Lessons From 10 Years of Sobriety
When I first got sober I was really angry. In fact, my anger and my anxiety were largely the reasons I decided to use hard drugs in the first place.
I was so unhappy, angry and anxious that I needed something to take me out of my head and take me out of reality.
Dealing with my anger was one of the first things I had to address if I wanted to successfully change my life.
Now. I have a temper. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t. Sometimes after a long day the only thing I want to do is smash my fist through a wall….or someone’s imaginary face.
Anger and anxiety are trying to tell you something.
They’re not trying to tell you that everyone is stupid.
They’re not trying to tell you that everyone else is wrong.
They’re not trying to tell you that you need to change the world.
They’re trying to tell you that you need to change yourself.
I learned this in a pretty fucked up way. My dad and I didn’t talk for about 4 years. We didn’t talk because I was so angry at him. I’m not going to get into specifics because specifics really don’t matter.
I was at angry at him, and I thought that anger was righteous. I thought that I was right about everything, and therefore he needed to change everything. I did not for one second think that maybe I was wrong, that maybe I was not coping with things in a healthy manner or that I needed to strengthen myself.
Anger is toxic. This anger drove my every decision for a good half decade.
When I was in rehab do you want to know what the first tough conversation I had was?
It was with my dad. I said “I blame you for a lot of stuff, whether that’s right or wrong, I do. But I want you to know that I love you and I forgive you.”
6 years later my dad was the best man at my wedding.
If anger is toxic then forgiveness is grace. I got over my anger by forgiving. I got over my anger by realizing that it wasn’t tell me something about anyone else. It was telling me something about myself.
It was a signal to myself that I had internal areas I needed to improve. I needed to grow up a little bit. I needed to empathize a little more. I needed to get rid of the self satisfaction that anger brings.
It’s very easy to be angry and anxious over...everything in 2020. Nothing in the world is normal, and nothing is changing for the better. It’s really tempting to use self righteous anger as a coping mechanism, or as a comforting mechanism.
But your anger is telling you something about yourself.
And unfortunately I can’t tell YOU how to get over YOUR anger. Only you can do that. Only you know the reasons why you’re angry. Only you know the solution to ridding yourself of this toxin.
Maybe it’s forgiving someone. Maybe it’s standing up for yourself so you don’t get taken advantage of. Maybe it’s simply leaving a situation and telling the world to kiss your ass.
If you’re angry it’s understandable, I’m still angry some days. But don’t think that your anger is an excuse to criticize anyone else. The best way to improve yourself is to put your own house in perfect order before criticizing someone else.